Totems

Whenever I come across and animal or an insect, anything living that darts into my path, I look it up (if I think to) and it undoubtedly relates to what I’m experiencing in very specific ways.

In my experiences, sometimes the animal of somebody else will visit me — often this means that that person is thinking about me because most times when this happens, I hear from that person withing a few days, even if it’s been months or years since we’ve communicated.

Try it if you haven’t and pay attention to what the being does, where and when it shows up, and how it relates to you.

Some examples;

Once I was walking home venting about an employer with a friend who also worked with him. The man was a night owl, who literally climbed trees, was always picking off of other people’s plates, made very specific gestures with his hands when he spoke, and wore many masks in life; literally, as he was a retired actor, and otherwise as he presented an entirely different self to each of us which we found ourselves amazed by when we finally discusses it one day thinking we’d all be sharing experiences about the same person. As I waled home talking to my friend, a growl that sounded like a cougar came from the trees.. I crossed the street and explained it to him. He had no idea and insisted it was a human messing with me. The next day my mother told me that racoons growl like that. When I looked them up? Creatures of the night who wear many masks and would do well in theatre, spend most time in the tops of trees and scavenge for their food, associated with the hands. And of course it was growling at me; I was speaking about it’s spirit friend behind his back.

I have an ex-boyfriend who is afraid of bees. He has no allergy to them, just a fear. I was accused by a few people on campus of being a bee charmer because I could sit outside 5-10 yards for the trash cans where it didn’t smell but there was always a spot to sit because the bees swarmed there, without a sting. I thought they just knew I meant them no harm and had not fear of them and they went about their business. One day he tried to get me to move across the cafeteria when a bee got in and was swarming near a particular garbage can that was near us. I saw innately that he needed to let go of his fear as son as e admitted that he didn’t have an allergy and I wouldn’t move. A mutual friend moved with him and called me over. After a while I joined them but  was not happy to do it. Bees are harmless as long as you are – -unless you need a lesson. I left school the next semester and bees began to periodically swarm around me. By the third time I realized that each time that this happened, my boyfriend would call me. One time I waited a day then called him and he said I was thinking of calling you yesterday but I knew you had a project due…It still happens years after we have broken up.

When I was in school I had a rough time. The same year my favorite person, my grandmother, died, and my dog fell ill a friend at school spread rumors about me over the summer so that when we came back, nobody was speaking to me. Nobody told me for a year. I was crestfallen and obviously had no idea what I had done, because what she’d said was fictitious.I was very perceptive but was so trusting that I never deduced that. It was frustrating. I was so hurt, especially because I had been loyal to her when others had said terrible things behind her back. and I was very angry eventually that things weren’t improving. People in the upper classes knew what was going on as soon as I told them and they evened things out But the senior year cam and I was basically alone in my school. People started pranking me and taunting me that year to make it even more enjoyable. And nobody was doing anything about it. One teacher even laughed along with a prank…I was a very disgruntled teen and we’re all lucky I was a pacifist who was mostly upset because I would never have dreamed of doing these things to other people, or I might have made news.

One day, as I attempted to sift through the disorganized my cluttered car ( I was also having issues at home, fighting with my parents a lot and them fighting with each other, and seeking rest at other people’s houses so I kept things for all of my activities, including items some white magic I had started to explore) in a virtual bedroom in the back of my jeep, which I also spent some nights in. I stood up after foraging for some item I don’t remember. It was a chilly morning and the light was just shifting into day, mist and dew on everything. As my peripheral vision breached the edge of the raised hatchback, I had the shock one gets when closing the refrigerator to find another person standing behind the door. There was a deer. Not two feet from me; if we both leaned forward we would have bumped noses. She stared at me. Just stared, calmly. Wasn’t scared, wasn’t aggressive, was just being there. My self esteem and confidence plummeted. I stopped brushing my hair after showering, didn’t wear makeup, wore clothes that didn’t flatter or suit me, binge ate and then starved myself for performances. And thought I was doing magic, and was encouraged by friends I eventually found outside of school about my intuition, I had no faith in it because my own mother insisted I had no gifts but that my brother was deeply psychic. I was upset with everybody and watned them all to see how their behavior was effecting not only me but others – watching people say mean things about each other in the student lounge then smile at each other five minutes later was infuriating. Watching people be mean to teachers, who I had always loved and adored throughout my school years, was enraging. And my own parents’ dismissal of my ambitions year after year was many things. But hopefully I was going off to college the next year to a place that would be good and full of new good people, with whom I could start over.

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I still have a book on deer in my bedroom that I had asked for when I was a child.

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I knew nothing about totems at the time, after a few moments I thought what am I doing? and I whispered stay there, went for my camera. She was gone when I stood up again. That wasn’t part of the deal. Then I finally looked her up.

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Deer are gifts, they are gentleness, compassion, unconditional love (and are likely reflecting these aspects in you. See; empath), inviting you to leave the material, superficial worlds and enter the deep forest to finds the woodland goddess and alternative paths to a goal (which has been much of my life, and was starting then, though at the time I didn’t realize it). They also invite you to keep any magic that you practice good and for the best of all beings. If you are in a conflict, consider peaceful ways that you could resolve it. Exert keen observation wit a gentle demeanor. etc. They are also every social animals who again, serve and protect each other and love one another unconditionally. They are here to remind us to honor the child-like innocence in ourselves and, even if your parent shave been socialized out of their birth into the capacity of unconditional live, we must maintain out own and and open heart. We must also stand strong in our beliefs and own paths and not be distracted by outside forces. Gently nudge people with love and compassion instead of pushing them to change. And new “innocence and freshness, adventure…are just around the corner.”

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It was a magic moment. As I stood there after her departure, without any of the knowledge I have now, I knew that she was there for me. I knew that she had come to see me. I thought it was because I was a vegetarian and she appreciated that and felt safe near me (like I later thought of bees). But she was giving me love, and the bees re talking about sex and getting my into working ass into gear.

As I write this, in physical transition; saving to move form one city to another, potentially go on a road trip, and possibly hop around between sublets instead of signing a lease s I can leave whenever I need, a fruit fly buzzes around me. Not sure about my job or how I will live and afford these avenues I’m considering exploring (mostly deciding on today), looking at affordable equipment investments for a business I’m building etc.

“Fruit flies symbolize an ability to survive even in the hardest of environments. Their capacity to make use of their resources, even what is seemingly invaluable or even trash, make them a good symbol for perseverance. As a guide, they can show us how to make the most of what is accessible to us, to be frugal and use what we have sparingly in order to survive. They are also quite mobile and fast, able to fly from one spot to another. This shows us how we too must be able to adapt and move from one environment to another, looking for what we need. They also reflect an ability to see things differently and in many ways. Their eyes are suited to see and sense more than what is ordinarily possible. Fruit flies guide one through the transformations needed in life. Just as the fruit fly emerges from an egg and its different stages in life, so too do we transform from one stage of our lives into another. They can be seen as reflections of the transformations we ourselves are going through.”

Try it for yourself.

Love, light, progress,

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